I Want to Be Free Around Food

For years, my cravings controlled me.

I could hit my macros five days in a row, and then … BAM. One night, one craving, one spoonful of ice cream or a piece of candy, and I’d spiral into 3000+ calories of “F-it” energy. Ugh.

I’ve gone through the cycle more times than I’d ever like to admit to anyone.

Feeling good → caving → guilt → restriction → start over Monday.

I was so exhausted by it. Ashamed. Demoralized, even.

Why Couldn’t I Control Cravings?

I used to think the answer was more willpower. More discipline. More strength to say no.

But what I really needed was more trust.

Cravings are normal.

What wasn’t normal was the panic I felt when I had “off-limits” food in the house and all of a sudden my mind was consumed by the d*mn cookies in the pantry.

What wasn’t normal was the shame after eating past fullness.

Or the mental tug-of-war between restriction and rebellion.

I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I wanted to be the kind of person who could open the pantry, see anything inside, and still feel in control.

So I stopped trying to fight the craving and started trying to understand it.

WHY THIS HAPPENS

It’s not about the food. It’s about your history with the food.

If you’ve ever …

• Restricted treats before (“I can’t keep this in the house”)

• Labeled them as “bad” or “off limits”

• Binge-eaten them in the past and felt shame afterward

• Used them as a “last supper” before starting over

… then your brain believes those foods are rare, dangerous, or not allowed. So when it does get them, it panics and says:

“EAT ALL OF IT NOW!!!! because it might be gone tomorrow.”

Your brain is just running the same survival program that helped your ancestors stay alive when food was truly limited. This is called “last supper” or scarcity mindset eating.

“What if I’m just hungry or tired or stressed?”

Sometimes feeling out of control around food is about real needs being unmet, like:

1. You’re legitimately hungry.

Restriction, under-eating earlier, too much low-volume food, skipping meals, these all add up to a primal “GET FOOD NOW” command from your body.

Fix: Front-load meals with protein + carbs + fiber. Don’t fear eating more earlier in the day. It helps prevent that 9pm raid.

2. You’re mentally exhausted.

After making decsions all day, your brain wants dopamine without effort.

So what's easy? Fast food, duh, it's fast. What's yummy? Sugar.

Fix: Pre-decide your “emergency meal”. This is the one you turn to before it spirals. Keep a high-protein, low-effort option stocked (like protein ice cream, pre-cooked frozen meals, or Greek yogurt + honey).

3. You’re stressed.

Cortisol raises cravings. What can raise cortisol? Work deadlines, financial worries, lack of sleep, overtraining, unresolved anxiety, too much caffeine ... If it stays elevated, your body gets stuck in surival mode. It thinks something’s wrong and starts looking for comfort or calories to bring stress down.

Fix: Short circuit the stress. Literally MOVE your body in a simple way: dance to one song, stretch, shake your hands, do 10 squats. Or, keep a “stress snack list” that satisfies without sabotaging. Think salty popcorn, protein cookies, protein bar + 1 candy.

When in doubt, ask:

“Is this a body craving (hunger)? A brain craving (habit)? Or a heart craving (comfort)?”

Then choose based on the answer, not impulse.

PART 1: Replace the Emotional Role Food Is Playing

You don’t binge because you’re lazy or weak. You binge because it works and is satisfying something.

It gives: comfort, distraction, numbing, celebration, a sense of control or rebellion.

So we don’t just remove it. We replace it.

Ask yourself during a craving:

“What am I actually needing right now that I think food will give me?”

Use this cheat sheet:

Decode Your Cravings.pdf

Download PDF • 3.73MB

The point isn’t to deny yourself food. Next time a craving hits, don’t ask “Do I really want this food?” Ask: “What job is this food applying for?”

If it’s trying to do a job your body, brain, or soul actually needs… give yourself the real thing. If you still want the food after, fine. But now it’s a choice, not a spiral. Cravings are cues, listen deeper than your tastebuds.

PART 2: Nervous System Regulation Tools (In the Heat of the Moment)

When you’re in a binge spiral, your body is in fight/flight/freeze. You don’t need more discipline, you need regulation.

3 Powerful Tools (Pick one when a craving hits):

1. Orienting Technique

Your brain thinks you’re in danger, so it narrows in on food as comfort. To interrupt that loop, ground your senses. Look around and name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, and 3 things you can touch. This re-anchors your nervous system and signals safety, pulling you back into your body instead of your head.

2. The 90-Second Rule

Neuroscience shows that most emotional urges (including cravings) rise, peak, and fade in about 90 seconds if we don’t feed them. That wave feels intense, but it’s short-lived. Set a timer, breathe, and ride it out. The power comes from realizing: cravings pass, but you stay.

3. Butterfly Taps

Cross your arms, hands on opposite shoulders, and gently tap back and forth. This bilateral stimulation calms the amygdala—the alarm center of your brain—and helps re-balance stress signals. Therapists even use it in trauma therapy (like EMDR) to soothe overwhelm. Try it before opening the pantry door.

A gentle reminder: You’re not failing, you’re dysregulated. Treat your body like it’s overwhelmed, not disobedient. Compassion plus regulation creates the space where discipline can actually work.

PART 3: The “Urge Surfing” Technique (from Addiction Psychology)

Think of your craving like a wave. You don’t stop it, you ride it.

Step-by-step:

1. Notice the urge without judgment. “I’m having a craving.”

2. Name where you feel it in your body. “It’s in my throat. My chest. My stomach.”

3. Breathe into it like you’re watching a wave build and crash. It will. Every time.

4. Stay present. The more you ride it, the less control it has.

You’ve never had a craving you didn’t survive.

This one is absolutely no different.

PART 4: Journaling Prompts That Crack You Open

Try one of these anytime the craving feels louder than your logic.

• “What do I think this food will fix?”

• “What would I tell 10-year-old me if I was reaching for food to feel safe?”

• “What kind of life do I crave more than this bite?”

• “What am I afraid will happen if I say no?”

• “What am I ready to stop apologizing for?”

Bonus: Keep a “proof journal”, a tiny notebook or phone note where you write:

“I rode the wave today. I didn’t give in. I chose me.”

Watch the proof pile up.

PART 5: Your Identity Is the Answer

You’re not trying to stop binging. You’re becoming someone who doesn’t need to. Your brain is wired to act in alignment with who you believe you are. When you choose an identity that’s bigger than the craving, your actions begin to follow.

Start saying this:

“I am someone who honors themself. I don’t run. I don’t numb. I nourish.”

Every day, act like them. Even in tiny ways. Even if you mess up. (And especially when you mess up.) Because every “mess up” is still evidence that you’re practicing.

MINDSET SHIFTS TO BURN INTO YOUR BRAIN:

1. “A craving is not a command.”

Cravings often feel like emergencies, but they’re not evidence that something is wrong with you, they’re simply your nervous system sending out signals. Urges are weather patterns, not destiny. They rise but they also fall. Your job isn’t to fight them, it’s to wait them out like a mountain.

Every time you don’t act on a craving, you’re proving you’re not a puppet. You’re teaching your nervous system that you can experience discomfort without needing to escape it. Over time, this is how self-trust is built, and how real power grows.

2. “I don’t restrict food, I restrict sabotage.”

This isn’t about proving your willpower, it’s about showing yourself respect. You’re not saying no to candy, you’re saying no to waking up bloated, tired, and mad at yourself for the 50th time.

Saying “no” to a craving is saying “yes” to your future self, the one with clear skin, steady energy, confidence in every room, and control.

Discipline framed as restriction feels heavy, but discipline framed as self-respect feels like freedom.

3. “I don’t chase dopamine. I build it.”

Junk food gives you a cheap high. You know this. It feels good in the moment, but it fades fast, leaving you lower than where you started.

But when you build your dopamine, through discipline, through following your plan, that’s slow, sustainable, self-made joy. It hits harder. It lasts longer.

The best high is waking up 10 pounds down, not needing to binge, and realizing you don’t even crave it anymore.

4. “Temporary relief is not worth permanent regret.”

That 10-minute mouth party? It’s not worth the 48-hour hangover of bloating, brain fog, and self-loathing.

When the urge feels overwhelming, pause and ask yourself: “What is the real price of this craving?” Because there is always a cost. And when you weigh that cost against your goals (your energy, confidence, peace) the choice becomes quite clear.

5. “I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m trying to be unshakeable.”

Missing your macros isn’t failure. Letting it spiral into 3000 calories is.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be the kind of person who doesn’t start over every time they mess up. Progress belongs to the person who can bend without breaking.

AFFIRMATIONS TO COME BACK TO WHEN YOU FEEL LOST:

• I do not negotiate with cravings. I already made the decision.

• Every time I don’t binge, I kill the version of me that used to feel powerless.

• I don’t need to be ‘in the mood.’ I need to be in integrity.

• Discipline is not punishment, it’s self-respect in action.

• I am not my cravings. I am the one who observes them, chooses, and grows stronger.

• Every time I say no, I’m saying yes to the person I’m becoming.

• Healing doesn’t always look like progress. Sometimes it looks like not spiraling as far.

• Even when I mess up, I still belong to myself.

• I am not healing to become perfect. I am healing to become free.

• There’s no magic in the second serving. The first one gave me everything I needed.

• I eat treats, not to rebel or restrict — but because I trust myself.

“This craving will pass. But the shame I feel after giving in won’t.”

• “More isn’t better. Enough is powerful.”

• “I don’t chase control anymore. I build trust.”

• “Food doesn’t own me. I own my choices.”

The Post-Binge Recovery Checklist

(to reset your nervous system, blood sugar, and self-worth)

Last thing: When you do binge again (because you might)…

Do not start over. Start from here.

You didn’t ruin anything. You just picked up another lesson. Eat your next meal. Track it if you can. Move your body. Speak to yourself like someone who deserves care even when they’re messy.

EMOTIONAL RESET

• Pause before self-judgment. Binging is a behavior, not your identity. Say out loud: “I messed up a moment, not my progress.”

• Say this mantra:

“My body is not ruined. My worth is not in question. I continue now.”

• Breathe for 90 seconds with your hand on your chest. Cravings and shame both peak and fade.

PHYSICAL RESET

• Water. 16–20 oz to aid digestion + rehydrate.

• Walk. 5–15 minutes, not to burn calories, but to get out of your head and help blood sugar normalize.

• Protein-forward next meal. No skipping or punishing. Real food, real macros.

Ex: eggs + fruit, chicken + rice, protein oats, whatever feels normal again.

BEHAVIORAL RESET

• Track what you can. Even if it’s messy. Not to shame, just to stay present. You break the all-or-nothing spell just by logging it.

• Set up your next meal NOW. Even just choosing what you’ll eat or pulling something from the freezer helps you feel back in control.

• Do ONE grounding thing.

Ideas: change clothes, wash your face, clean the kitchen, light a candle, put on a playlist.

• Close the loop. Write in a notebook or app:

“What led to that choice? What do I need next time instead?”

No shame, just data.

Quick-Access Toolkit:

HOW TO REWIRE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TREATS

Step 1: Give yourself complete permission

“This food is allowed. I can have it any day. I can have more tomorrow if I want.”

Say it out loud. Make your body hear it.

Because when you remove the urgency, you remove the urge.

Step 2: Practice structured abundance

This is where the real work happens. You intentionally keep the treat in your house, but you eat 1 serving with mindfulness. Not in front of your phone or out of the container.

You:

• Put it in a bowl

• Sit down

• Eat slowly

• Say: “I can have more if I want. But let’s see how I feel after this.”

This is like exposure therapy for binge urges. The goal isn’t just “don’t eat it all.” It’s:

“Teach my brain that food doesn’t have to control me, and I don’t have to control it.”

Step 3: Use the Curious Observer technique

As you eat, watch your thoughts like a scientist.

Ask:

• “What do I think will happen if I stop here?”

• “What feeling is coming up? Boredom? Deprivation? Anxiety?”

• “Can I sit with that feeling for 2 minutes before deciding?”

The goal is to get to know the urge. And that’s how you stop being scared of it.

Step 4: Pre-decide your “after-treat ritual”

Most people spiral after the treat, not during.

So create a “completion cue” that tells your brain: we’re done.

Examples:

• Brush your teeth

• Light a candle

• Journal one sentence about how you feel

• Take a short walk or stretch

• Watch one TikTok (or watch my instagram stories lol) then close the app

The brain LOVES rituals. Give it one that ends the loop.

Repeat Until It’s Boring

At first it’ll feel hard. Then it’ll feel easier. Then one day you’ll have cookies in your freezer and forget they’re even there.

Bigger Picture Roadmap:

TREAT LIBERATION PROTOCOL

A brain-based, emotion-aware, nervous-system-regulated process for finally being someone who can keep ice cream in the freezer and forget it’s there.

STAGE 1: Understand the “Loss of Control Loop”

Here’s the actual loop your brain runs:

Exposure → Trigger → Panic → Permission collapse → Overeat → Shame → Restriction → Repeat

The key to healing this isn’t to remove the treat. It’s to interrupt the loop at every single point. That’s what we’ll do now.

STAGE 2: Desensitize Your Brain to the Treat

You’re going to train your brain to not freak out in the presence of food it once lost control with.

The Treat Exposure Plan (Week by Week):

(You can modify the pace based on how you respond)

Week 1:

• Buy the treat (e.g., ice cream, cookies) but do not eat it yet.

• Store it where it’s visible but not constantly in your face.

• Your only job: exist around it without acting on impulse.

• Every time you notice it, breathe and say:

“I have it. I don’t need it right now. I can have it when I choose, not when I crave.”

Week 2:

• Pre-plan 1 serving, 3–4 times this week.

• You will eat it intentionally:

• Measured, plated or in a bowl

• Sitting down

• No phone/scrolling/distraction

• Use your senses: smell, taste, texture.

• Afterward: journal one sentence →

“How did I feel before, during, and after?”

Week 3:

• Keep the treat in your house but don’t plan it in every time.

• Practice spontaneous but mindful servings:

“I feel like having it. Can I trust myself to enjoy one portion?”

If yes, serve and eat slowly.

If no, ask: “What do I need right now instead?” and redirect (walk, drink water, brush teeth).

Week 4+:

• Test high-temptation moments. After a long day, post-dinner, or when you’re emotional.

• The goal isn’t to never eat the treat, it’s to prove to your brain that you can stop.

STAGE 3: Identify Your “Post-Treat Identity”

Right now, your identity might still be:

“I’m someone who can’t control myself around sweets.”

That belief creates the behavior. So we build a new one:

Create your “Treat Peace Identity Statement”:

Fill in the blank:

“I’m someone who….”

• “…can have anything in my kitchen without spiraling.”

• “…enjoys sweets, not obeys them.”

• “…makes empowered food choices — not emotional ones.”

• “…can stop mid-cookie and feel proud.”

Write it. Speak it. Practice it like reps.

STAGE 4: Neural Anchoring (make it automatic)

Use pairing to train your nervous system that sweets don’t = chaos.

• Eat treats after protein-based meals

This trains your body to feel stable when eating them.

• Eat them during regulated states

Don’t wait till you’re anxious, exhausted, or alone and overstimulated. You’re re-pairing the memory.

• Pair with music, breathwork, journaling, or movement

Create new associations: “Treat = peace, not panic.”

STAGE 5: When You Slip

You will. And when you do:

• Breathe. Say:

“This is one page in the book. Not the story.”

• Write:

“What led me here? What was missing? What did I need but didn’t give myself?”

Then… go right back to the protocol. With zero punishment. That’s what breaks the cycle.

A Final Word (From Me to You)

Bingeing doesn’t make you broken.

It makes you human.

If you’ve ever sat on the floor surrounded by wrappers, if you’ve ever told yourself “never again” and then did it again, if you’ve ever felt the shame hit harder than the sugar, know this: you’re not the only one. And you’re not weak.

This isn’t about “fixing” you.

It’s about understanding you.

It’s about giving your body regulation instead of punishment, and giving your mind compassion instead of shame.

The goal isn’t to never slip. The goal is to stop the spiral before it owns you. To shorten the distance between messing upand coming back.

You don’t need to become perfect. You just need to become someone you trust.

Stay Strong,

Martha